We had a baby! What an adventure, sometimes more of a treacherous journey, every step of it terrifying and glorious and a complete miracle of socialized medicine and stardust.
We have not named her yet. I think I was counting on inspiration striking once the baby was earth side, and yet the baby appears to be more of a space alien and so the naming mystery continues to grow. How do you do such a thing, name a baby, a child, a being, into this world? I had some names in mind and they’ve all been crushed and ground under the foot of the enormity of the responsibility of bestowing such a non-refundable gift. Everyone has been telling me to go with my gut, but my gut is not feeling so hot right now.
The third one has been both the easiest and the hardest. All of the old clothes and blankets and diapers are dug up from the basement, boxes dubiously labelled are opened and the whoosh of familiar smells implodes me into the past, from which I cannot escape.
I’ve learned everything I’ve learned from the first two times around, and it mostly sums up to realizing how much I don’t know, which is a pretty terrifying amount. This time around, I’m trying to soak it all up, including all the advice thrown my way, the most helpful of which might be to accept that I’m going to spend more money than is reasonable trying to solve unsolvable problems, and that the unsolvable problems solve themselves long after I’ve thrown out the Magic Sleep Suit or the battery operating shushing machine. Also, audiobooks are really handy, both for ambient noise and also for keeping my brain from congealing.
I am swollen with edema and the overwhelming urge to gobble up the baby. Is there such a thing as maternity leave for small businesses? I am going to leave that up in the air, making of it what I can, squeezing out the photos in between the naps, ordering diapers online while nursing. Life only seems to accelerate, time dilation and physics and science fiction swirling together to rush us all forward towards monkeypox and just terrible, awful things happening in the world, while I try and squeeze all my babies at the same time, the furry ones completely revolting.
In any case, we are doing well! Everyone is eating and pooping as they should, the sun is shining, I continue to write maniacally in my journal, recording all the bits of nonsense I can get down on the page, in between sending out newsletters with typos and smelling all the new baby smells.