Life These Days: The End of 2024 is Near

2025 is barrelling towards me! I’m paralyzed by fear and indecision, in the face of imminent crushing! How will I survive??

I may not. Or I may! Who knows! Changes are happening rapidly in life, as always, and the weeks are flying past me, those slippery eels. People are sending me emails about things as though I have some idea of what to do, and I’m making things up and responding in gibberish. Sounds okay! Sounds good! Sounds great! The high-pitched manic panic accelerates in my head. I avoid Naomi’s eyes as she watches me walk to the fridge, cut off a slice of cheese, and put it directly into my mouth. What will these children remember of their mother?

I caught a squirrel climbing down our window screen, peering in at me, and I thought about those intrepid buggers living off peanuts and wondered what life must be like for them. We had the staff over for an end-of-summer BBQ and played some Pictionary. Junia has been asking for a musical instrument but I can’t afford another weekly lesson nor do I want to make another visit to the hostile musical instrument shop nor do I want to add a third child to my failing practice roster and also she’s a blob who has no idea what practising under an anxious and unsuccessful tiger mom is like (not fun)—so she’s taken things into her own hands. I’m reading out on the fire escape, trying to escape life at the same time.

And it’s all wonderful and rich (too rich!) and I’m soaking up the marrow of life with some crusty bread, along with some olives from The Epicure Shop up the street and garlic confit from the remainder of the Costco jar of garlic, trying to make all of it last as long as possible.